Testimony of The Living God

 

Almighty born in year of the Golden Dragon in the mountains of Valhalla, in a little town called Greenwood along Crow’s pass. His father, Mogen, a lumber grader, from a bloodline of Danish stone masons and blacksmiths, born in Copenhagen, Denmark on Christmas Day, married his mother, a waitress, British Royal damsel in distress, Linda May. The Living God was born with 2 faces, suffered from Horner’s syndrome, a difference in colour and size of pupils which causes different growth rates to the 2 sides of the body, a good and evil side, and a wake between the 2 hemispheres of the Brain across the synaptic Gap. For the first 3 days, they called the Almighty “Popeye” because his parents couldn’t decide on a name for a child born with 1 eye shut. 

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The Nameless One was the oldest of 3 and had a younger brother and sister. Almighty, though living in a body in the Light, wasn’t aware of his body until Lennon was shot, then everything went Dark. May scurried down the stairs crying, “John Lennon has been shot.” His father shrugged her off, “It’s only a dead rock star.” The Living God’s father moved the Family to the Big City, Saint Abby, the Bible Belt capital of the world. The Almighty’s walk with Christ began in an Anglican Church at age of 5, though it had really started much sooner. 

 

The Living God went to a grade school called Godson; he blacked out, finding an old skeleton in a creek while attending Sunday School with May. The Almighty sat around a circle with other children singing, “Jesus loves me, this I know for the Bible tells me so.” With being the centre of attention comes strict criticism, Satanic and Devil worship haunted Abby; the Living God, lured into a field with some older kids and attended a brush party dancing around naked, laughing, pretending to be happy; unfortunately, Devil came calling. Moe was involved in a car accident, and the Living God ended up in a place called Surrey in a poor neighbourhood attending a different church. By age of 9, the Living God transitioned into the Church of Pentecost; oddly, Pastor, an old friend of the Almighty’s father. Moe didn't attend church much, yet liked Pentecost because his children would learn in cubicles; May hated the idea. Arguments aside, she couldn't have minded much; baptized in the Holy Spirit, May rushed out of the water speaking in tongues. The Living God became afraid.

 

The Nameless One took up sports, especially Hockey and captained his team to a Championship, winning many medals and awards. Though encouraged to continue playing Hockey, the blackened Hearts of the groomed was too much for the Almighty to handle, so he dropped out and joined the local theatre and performed Oliver Twist.  

 

Once again the Devil came a calling and struck down The Living God’s father with a Stroke and Diabetes; Moe became a victim of Big Pharma and moved back to the Mountains, leaving his family in the Big City. The Almighty’s trajectory changed, and he was uprooted again. May now an unemployed single mother, moved her 3 children to a Government Co-op. This time he ended up living in a place where one of the residents was a Jehovah's Witness; she invited May to a church where they didn't believe in Christmas; this became a hotbed for even more arguments since Christmas was a time-honoured tradition. 

 

By 15, the Living God and May opened the door to the Mormon Church; The Nameless One’s refuge, Church of Latter-Day Saints; he liked religion: they believed in 3 Heavens, and when you die, even as an evil sinner, you can work your way up through the Heavens. They also believed in Polygamy and Proxy Baptisms, using your body as a vehicle to save the dead. As a teenager, it seemed very appealing to the Living God. May and the Almighty agreed on one thing: Proxy Baptism is the Devil’s work. May smitten, "My father would roll over in his grave.” 

 

At this point, The Almighty was in high school and had a girlfriend while attending Freedom of Assembly, heavily involved in theatre and putting on a variety of plays throughout the year including Nativity Story. It's strange how things turn out and why we do the things we do. One long weekend, The Nameless One attended a virgin retreat with his girlfriend; they were 2 virgins; at retreat, girls crying over lost virginities with preachers claiming they could get back their virginity if only they would repent and be touched by God on the forehead; Evil, seeded, Preachers doing all the touching. When Almighty returned from retreat informed his girlfriend her religion was the Devil’s work. They broke up. The Living God had a few more girlfriends,  decided to become a Garden Prophet, took a page out of Freedom of Assembly and hit the theatre again, performing in plays Crucible, Children of a Lesser God and Heaven Can Wait while researching origins of enlightenment, God void of Jesus; his best friend, a Guru, named Aha, the double-wanded one, though he went by many names, hung out with Almighty reading esoteric occult literature and attending enlightenment workshops. Almighty dropped out of High School, formed a Rock “n” Roll band and wrote many songs while his Guru attended Trinity Western.

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Living God was given a Grant to film school for his thesis on Christ as son of Herod around the time Passion of the Christ hit theatres. The joke going around campus was the only one who had a greater passion for Christ, other than Mel Gibson was the Nameless One. The Living God and his Guru visited the Krishna and Buddha Temples for food, got into arguments and kicked out over views on how to raise children. The Living God bought a ticket to see a Radio Evangelist, in which he was tossed out for defending a girl’s honour, “Bang that gable down Bob.” He was passed off as the Devil for the sake of the show, then escorted out by security, told, “If you ever show up here again, I’ll forget I am a Christian.” 

 

The Living God had an only son; he fell in love with a Slovakian Gypsy who escaped during the Velvet Revolution, Civil War of Czechoslovakia. She never knew her father, a Romanian Arc; her mother was his mistress; her stepfather was head of the Slovakian Mob. They gave up their wealth and immigrated to Vancouver, the shorelines of Surrey, penniless. 

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The Almighty and his Concubine agreed to call their son Dracula after his grandfather. She cried wolf and released Cerberus the Watchdog, who dragged the Living God to Hell and back. The Living God gallantly fought back Cerberus and he was deemed worthy and granted 60% guardianship over his only son. The Guardian wounded in the battle, was nearly castrated and ended up doing hard labour for a living moving mountains and dealing with chemicals for pennies on the dollar. End of Chemical Warfare. The Living God became anti-Big Pharma, Street, Commercial Drugs, pro Natural and Straight and Narrow. War on Drugs began. In Hollywood, Prince of Motown had become the King of Pop; he bought out the Beatles when they went bankrupt with the death of Lennon, married the daughter of Elvis and had children with her, hiding their identity in a scandal with a Nursemaid. The Prince became possessed; young Rapper, Tupac, a Black Panther was going to expose Jackson for the death of John Lennon and child molestation charges, he put a Hit on Tupac who was shot to death. Under stage name Lloyd Hollywood, Living God declared no Quarter on the music Industry giving rise to the Underground Grunge Scene. The Almighty tried to put on a rock concert to save Youth Centres for Street Kids but was shut down when he couldn’t come up with enough money to pay the Police Commissioner. 

 

September 11, 2001, 2000 Anniversary of Christ’s Birth and Fall of the Trade Towers. There is much to be said, Holy Land tangled in web of idolization, commercialization and globalization. Though Lloyd would one day release a Jesus Toy Line with Devil and Roman Centurion, a greater evil was afoot. A Gentleman named Saddam Hussein had been fighting for his claim to the Holy Land through the bloodline of Herod and the Scourging of Israel. During the First Gulf War, Saddam laid claim to Kuwait and burned the Oil fields after American Oil refused to enforce their own worker's standards in a foreign country. American Propaganda screamed bloody murder, but really Hussein was fighting for workers’ rights in Kuwait under US occupancy. A deal was struck and there was peace for a time. Saddam became a Celebrity when the World Wrestling Federation got political and introduced him to Sgt. Slaughter, an Iraqi sympathizer on the show. Though it may seem funny, the Sgt. Slaughter Story Arch: from a young kid in Vietnam to GI Joe, to Iraqi sympathizer, to WWF Heavy Weight Champion of the World, to Commissioner is a hard act to follow, maybe 7 of 9 on Star Trek. The WWF immediately brought back Hulk Hogan to defeat him when Sgt. Slaughter started getting death threats and was targeted by the Illuminati. WWF became a part of a cultural phenomenon when art reflects reality, wrestling became a legitimate art form. Fortune, fame and toy lines aside, 911 happened. 

 

Now some may say an insurance scam, an inside job, or an actual terrorist attack, one thing is for sure, 2 planes crashed into the Trade Towers, and they fell. It was discovered that an Extreme Organization, Al-Qaeda, founded by Osama Bin Laden, masterminded the attack in retaliation for promised monies owing on the importation and exportation of crude Oil in the Middle East. The US figured Saddam was involved and was granted Veto power to invade Iraq and seek out Weapons of Mass Destruction. Second Gulf War. They finally captured Hussein but did not find any Nukes. To save face they tried him on National Television for the lesser crime of War Crimes and hung him live on the Web. Whatever your public view, Hulk Hogan would later go on to fight his own personal battle, when the Law passed the Hogan Act stating a person could not be held responsible for the actions of the persona.